There is Nothing To Fix

Dear friends,

If I made it sound like ” just meditate” your problems away or the external problems away I apologize. But in a way I did. Let me clarify. Meditation isn’t just tuning out the world or your problems, just taking an ” I don’t care” or an aloof attitude to things. In fact, it’s quite the opposite so I have discovered in my own personal practice. While yes you feel calmer, more inner peace and creativity you also hit the walls of your own wounds. Like a bright light shedding light into a dark room, meditation brings some of the dark places of the personality and ” wounding” into light. The buzz word for that is ” trauma”.
In my own life, abandonment, and trust have been issues. When someone is abandoned they almost don’t expect others to be there for them because a certain belief system has been created because of the wound. That belief system becomes the “wall’ I just mentioned. But for some, it becomes their identity. But what it is really is a defense mechanism adapted out of the trauma. And with that one can go on a quest to heal that or fix that as I did. But the method that assisted in the “transformation” of that was meditation. Another word for meditation I find helpful is “seeing”. By practicing the witness mind on a regular basis you get to know the “observer” of the mind who is free from the personality construct.
With each observation comes more and more compassion, not a need to fix or change.

The change begins to happen because of the “seeing”. When recently I observed fully the behaviors that were triggered ( or the trauma) in my body from a relationship with someone I am in ( not my husband), I became so compassionate to myself when I realized that this lived in my nervous system for a long time. But in seeing it fully I realized how it was no longer needed because I could fully trust this person as they demonstrated loyalty and caring, unlike the belief of the original wound which was distrust and pushing away.

I hope you are relating to what I am saying. To meditate is to become “awake” to what is and in that awakening, there is transformation, fierceness, courage, and strength. The spiritual path is not for the faint-hearted. So if you are seeing things you thought you healed a few decades ago it is only coming up to see, to transform, to heal. Try not to judge, or be impatient with yourself.

Like I said about meditation in my book ” Enough Drugs….”┬áin the book about cleaning out a dirty attic only to find the treasures. under the dust.

So yes, meditate, breathe, take time for reflection, and know that these constructs are not your true self. There is nothing to fix.

with fierce love,
Gedalia